if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
