Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
