guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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