I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
