I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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