Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
