Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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