I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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