my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
