obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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