I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
