similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
