just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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