Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
