Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize