im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
