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Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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