I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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