I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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