Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
