are you still at the devil's house?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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