Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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