dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
