Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
