Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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