So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
