my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
please come you make the beer taste better
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
