I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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