thus making me awesome and them whores
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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