How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
