I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
