Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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