Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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