It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
