So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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