It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
