I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
