You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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