That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
