Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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