Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
