I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
