check it out our google latitudes are spooning
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
3pm strippers are depressing
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
