I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
