went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
