Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
