That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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