your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You are the jesus of drinking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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