Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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