Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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