tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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