Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
