Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize