Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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