I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
