On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
