Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
