I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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