there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
