I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
