The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
