I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
