Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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