??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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