Dual....:-)
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
