Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
