guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
