I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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