see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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