you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
