So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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