well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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