Umm I'm too high to move.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
