Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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