he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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