my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Randomize
