In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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