i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
honey bunches of taint.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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