That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
